He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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