Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
