I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
