Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
