: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
