does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
