He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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