and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
