ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
