Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
