I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
