She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
