SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
