So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
