I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sext me about skeletons
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
