Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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