Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
