if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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