I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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