Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
