First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
