since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
