On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
