please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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