Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
