If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
