My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she peed on how many people?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
