they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
