I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
