is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
