I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
