he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
