Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
