i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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