I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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