Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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