he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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