Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
