You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
