Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who died my cat blue again?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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