dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
