Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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