I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
