Small penises have feelings too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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