i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's blow job season.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
