She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
