After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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