Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
