My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
