I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
