Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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